Disappointment in Birth

I've been disappointed in birth a few times. Those times that I consented to an induction or the couple of times I received pain meds. With my natural births and especially my home births I never felt disappointed... Until Oliver. 

The back labor was so intense and I needed so much help from my husband to get through the contractions. The dread I felt over letting the midwife help with the cervical lip. The complete exhaustion. There comes a point in every labor where I've felt "I just can't do this anymore", but this was different. Other times it was mostly mental, the contractions were close and intense and I wanted relief from pain. This time it was mental an physical. I had no energy to get through it. I was utterly exhausted. I needed help. I needed more help than I was willing to admit. 

Looking back I see what I should have done. I should have stayed home and slept instead of shopping. I should have let the midwife help with the lip sooner. I should have eaten more earlier on. I should have asked for more support from my midwife and daughters. If I'd let them know just how much I needed their help I would have gotten it, but I've never needed much help before and so I said nothing. Pride. Very misplaced pride, kept me silent. Well... At least on that point. I was making a great deal of noise. 

After Oliver was born I didn't have that glorious moment that makes all the work worth it. He was limp and unresponsive at first and maybe my concern was what took that moment. Even after that I felt... Disconnected. Oliver could have been anyone's child for all that I felt for him. I felt nothing really. Mechanically, I fed him, diapered him and cuddled him. The cuddling was, I think, an attempt to make myself feel what I thought I should. 

I suffered a bad case of "baby blues". I had panic attacks when my husband had to go back to work. Overwhelmed. Completely, totally overwhelmed that's what I felt. All that I felt. 

The human capacity to "soldier on" is quite amazing. I went through the motions. Said what I was sure people wanted to hear, but inside... 

I finally told my husband and midwife how I felt. My husband soothed and said I was doing a great job taking care of the baby. The midwife helped me come to terms with such a difficult birth. The thing she said that helped the most was that having been through such a difficult and traumatic birth would make me a better midwife- if I ever actually make it there. That's when I remembered that knowing that others understand, that they know what it's like helps so much when you are walking through the fire yourself. 

After about two weeks the blues faded and I was back on a more even keel emotionally. I fell in love with my beautiful baby. I realized that birth doesn't have to be that perfect, romantic experience in order to be positive. 

Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

Oliver-two months old

This is a little late. 

Oliver is over two months now. :)

At 2 months he weighed a little over 14 lbs and was 24.5 in long. 

He has discovered these wonderful things that he loves to examine. Hands. :)

He smiles a lot. He doesn't fancy the van very much. He likes being worn. I've managed to figure out a good back carry that makes it much easier for me to get things done while wearing him. I still need help getting him in it but thankfully for me I've plenty of helping hands. :) 

We've taken him to the pool a couple of times. He likes the water. He loves being outside. During his evening fussy time, taking him outdoors usually calms him down. 

Well, here's some pic, that's all anyone ever really wants to see anyway! :P

Letter to the Young Man Interested In One of My Daughters

I probably should have written this a few years ago, but I suppose I've been in a kind of denial that my girls are growing up and not wanting to acknowledge that any boy would be looking at any of my girls with marriage on his mind. (And if he is pursuing one of my girls it had better be marriage on his mind!)

First, Young Man, know that we do not approve of "dating". If you are ever permitted to go on a date with one of my girls it will be chaperoned. By her dad. :P I'm kidding! One of her sisters or maybe one of her brothers. We would prefer that you come over and hang out with us. If you are still interested after being with our crazy, rowdy family for a whole day and can handle her dad's funny, hilarious sense of humor you might have a shot at winning her affection and hand. We also encourage you to have her spend time with your family. 

Second, you must be responsible. Have a job and a plan about how you will provide for a wife and children. You do not have to be rich or have a college degree. You do have to be willing to work and able to keep a job. If you spend your days playing video games never involved in any physical labor and expect your mother to be your housekeeper don't waste our time. 

Third, respect my daughter. Keep your hands to yourself. There will be plenty of time for physical affection AFTER you marry her. :)

Fourth, know that we believe, and expect, that marriage is a lifetime contract. If there are difficulties you will work through them. It might be worth mentioning that we also don't believe in getting a state marriage license. You will marry our daughter not the state. 

Finally, it is required that your bloodline carry the gene for red hair. I want lots of red headed grand babies! 

Okay, so I'm kidding about the red hair... A little. :)

If you can handle all of that you may speak to her dad. :)