Parenting Trials

I don't even know where to begin.

All this stuff floating around in my head. Keeping me up at night. 

I've been a pretty lousy parent in a lot of ways. 

Yesterday, during a discussion with some of my kids, my eldest daughter (19 years old) recalled an incident. Her perspective on that event left me feeling mortified. What had I done? How could I have so little regard for her feelings? How did she hold her ground against that onslaught?

What I did was take the word of an adult bully. I disregarded her feelings because she was a child, and therefore less. She has an amazing moral fibre. 

What started the whole mess was two fold. Firstly, kids are literalists. Secondly, many, or even most, adults see anything that a child does that isn't expressly permitted as being 'rebellious'. 

This tyrant that I allowed to have too much influence over my parenting and life in general saw every childish thing my kids did as rebellion or defiance. A two year old tapping a window pane with a dumdum. A five year old trying to do as her mother told her. A child entertaining himself for two minutes when his mother let the church door close (which automatically locked) accidentally and he was inside and his mother was out. A girl obeying, to the letter, his verbal instructions but not his intent. 

I am so slow. This must be why I've so many kids. I'm so dense God knows I need extra chances to get it right. He's trying to drum something into my stupid head. :P

What I've realized is that I've acted like a bully. Treated my children like less. Taken personal offense over childish things. Taught my children to be ungrateful and angry. 

I hate what I've been. I want so much to be better. I remember a time when things were better. When I was happy. My husband was happy. My kids were happy. We had so much fun together then. It was brief. Less than a year. Then I let someone else's condemnation drag me so much deeper into despair than I'd ever been. I've been trying to claw my way out of that pit for over nine years. 

Now, I'm a mess. My husband is stressed. My children are angry. 

This must not go on, but I'm so lost about where to begin. How can I mend these relationships? How can I live with joy?

to be continued...

Parental Rights

A parent should be able to make decisions about healthcare and treatment for their children. Should I even have to reiterate that? Apparently so.

A friend of mine recently had a baby. This baby, S, was slightly jaundiced. The pediatrician on call ordered the baby to have phototherapy and mom and dad said no. They did not believe, and rightly, that the baby's condition warranted that. There are side effects to phototherapy and it would interrupt breastfeeding. The baby was in no imminent danger. So a social worker speaks to mom in the hospital and tells her that refusing the treatment is neglect.

Thankfully, mom stood her ground and fired back at them with the AAP's recommendation that phototherapy wasn't indicated for S. She was told that as long as they took S to the follow up the next day CPS would not be involved and she was free to leave the hospital with S.

Well, two days after being home, and making the follow up appointment for S, CPS shows up at her door!

I have heard about and seen so many cases like the above where some do-gooder called CPS on parents over nothing. Simply because they parent differently, or they had a bad day. What makes me so angry is that CPS harasses innocent parents and then lets others go when there were so many serious warning signs and kids end up dead.

It is truly frightening to me as a parent to see how much power government organizations have when it comes to my children. CPS can force their way into my house and forcibly remove my children without any evidence other than an anonymous 'tip'. The burden of proof rests on the parent, and not the state as it should. Innocent until proven guilty and all that. That is out the window though.

Why is it that total strangers think that they care more for children than the children's parents do? Why do these busybodies sic the state on anyone who makes parenting decisions that are different from the ones they would make? Why does the state believe that it owns our children? Why do we let the state get away with this?

http://www.parentalrights.org/

Carseat Safety (for all my mommy friends!)

This is probably going to be mostly links, but I've seen some horrid things lately and I need to vent a little.


1. All small children need to be in proper carseats. Those children need to be fastened into those seats for them to keep them safe. Merely having them in the vehicle does the child no good!!

2. Keep your child rear facing as long as possible. There are carseats out there that are not that expensive that keep kids rear facing up to 30-35 lbs. If you really want to be safer, there are more expensive options that rear face up to 40 lbs.

3. The laws are the bare MINIMUM of safety!!! I cannot stress this enough! Just because the law says that you can turn your 20 lb 1 year old forward facing does NOT mean it is safe!! Just because the law says that your 30 lb preschooler can be in a backless booster doesn't mean that it is truly safe.

4. Belts should be tight, no more than two adult fingers should be able to fit between your child and the belt.

5. The harness clip should be even with the child's armpits.

6. A five-point harness is the best type of restraint.

Why rear facing is best. Video.

Benefits of a 5-point harness. Video.

Forward facing vs Rear facing.

Not using seatbelts or child restraint.

I shudder when I think of the horribly inadequate seats I had for my first couple of kids. And I am so very thankful that we've never had a crash. My eldest probably would have been killed in the seat she was in as a toddler if we had been. I wish I'd looked into car seats before I was having my sixth baby. It is sad to think how ignorant I was! I followed the letter of the law and the manufacturer's specifications for what size a child had to be for those seats but never really considered the actual safety of the seats. So I hope that this information will get to someone else who, like me, just has not thought about it. Not because I did not care for my kids or was unconcerned for their safety, but just plain uninformed. :D

www.car-safety.org